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January 9th, 2010
January 8th, 2010
January 7th, 2010
January 6th, 2010
January 5th, 2010
January 4th, 2010
January 3rd, 2010
tiamos
 | 01:36 pm - 2010: Year of the Metal Tiger...
The Metal Tiger represents coming of age so to speak, a supposed decline of the old & in with the new, watching the last few hours of 2009 seep into non-existence felt like the decay of my 20's had been initiated. Turning 30 in less than 3 weeks now is much like the Chinese Zodiac animal for 2010. Having spent the last decade wandering through life is indicating that, much to my greater interest, the next 12 months is going to be quite a journey.
Tigers themselves are quite mysterious creatures, traveling in solitary with vicious territorial & social order yet, in the end, manage to survive the ages built on archetypal constraints. It's etymology makes reference to 'all-beast', which isn't that far from the truth. Human emotion can also be an untamed animal, striking with unprecedented ferocity, leaving psychological scars to remind you of a lesson you've learned.
Commitment is this years compass, a time for direction, travel & unity, bringing together people who are meant to be, or steering you away from adversary. Much of this year will be dependent on instinct, acting upon knowledge of your world accordingly, processes refined from generation to generation are your greatest and most valuable tools this time.
Cementing the foundation for a relationship, making a pathway for direction to home, erecting the walls of trust and opening the windows for communication are very fundamental aspects going on this year. A clear, uninterrupted flow of information will help you get off to a good start, it's how you process this will define, and guide you on, the path you walk....
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January 2nd, 2010
quiddity
 | 05:38 pm - I think I need help
I can't stop feeling depressed. The times have gone where I would just medicate these feelings away but since New Year's Eve I can't help continually feeling terrible. I had a bad time at an event I went to which required a lot of organisation and when I got there I completely failed to enjoy myself at all. My friends were worried about me and I couldn't give voice to my feelings. I'm not sure I know how to enjoy myself lately, when I try I seem to get into a depressive state which will not lift, from the depths of which its hard to take anything but sardonic enjoyment in things I would normally enjoy.
My friend once told me she felt I was "so profoundly damaged" she wondered if I would ever be healed. Its like I've been mutilated physically and consequently stunted emotionally and mentally. Taking a more holistic view would be to say I'm damaged spiritually. I'm not sure I can heal from this, maybe its something I'll carry with me forever, but I'm not sure I can bear it. I will not let myself contemplate suicide, it robs me of any enjoyment I might take in my remaining moments of life. Without release from feeling this way I will just get more bitter, twisted, crazily antisocial and misanthropic. I hate myself most of all those are the words which spring to mind to describe myself.
So yes, after reading what I've just written its obvious I need help, and just to make it perfectly clear, this is one of those "cry for help" things you read about before people go completely off the rails, upset their apple cart, go out on a limb before falling from their tree, etc.
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December 31st, 2009
December 30th, 2009
December 29th, 2009
tiamos
| 05:44 pm - the tick tock... it's the final countdown?
Moments in this decade are pivotal pieces in what was an epic tapestry of happy times & soul destroying. People move forward, but moving on is the challenge these days, the simple routine of maintenance becomes an entity consuming us.
I'm not going to begin to rant on about useless bits of fodder trivial enough to warrant "Oh No, TiAmos is off his rocker again", I'm simply going to declare this year over already. Those of you who wish to live the last few days of 2009, do so with a smile on your face, as this year was fascinating.
My goal for 2010 is not to have a resolution, but to have a purpose. That purpose is to provide happiness to my loved one, my family & my friends, a relatively simple goal you might state, hence the enticing aptitude i commit myself too. I figure that if i can keep most people smiling some of the time, the rest aren't really worth my effort, harsh i agree, it's more of a defense mechanism. I'm not in the mood to spend 2k10 frowning.
For what has been a turbulent year, 2009 will be a year worth reflecting upon in my later years. I've had fun, I've discovered a few surprising things about myself, and discovered others that are equally exciting. 2010 will be about support, provision and reception, provide that other party's are willing to accept, i can't envisage any issues with it. I look forward to traveling with someone who's journey I'm along for the ride....
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December 28th, 2009
December 27th, 2009
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